We are delighted to welcome you to Stock Photos Academy, a brilliant new free school located in the heart of the country.
We are proud of our focus on learning and on nurturing the next generation.
We hope you enjoy having a look around our school, which we think is a very special place.
We’ll start the tour in the sixth form, where we stream the students depending on how photogenic they are. This is the top set in Maths. Here, Maths teacher Mr. Smith is making his pi/pie joke. The sixth formers bloody love that joke.
Whilst the sixth form offers traditional subjects, we are also able to offer special courses too to get those valuable UCAS points. Here, our pupils are taking a short course in, erm, Spectacles Studies.
As you can see here, we have invested heavily in technology and have whole class sets of tablets. Unfortunately, we only have one charger though.
Our teachers bloody love chalk. Just the thought of using it makes them excited. You should see how satisfied they look when they get to use it.
From Year 7 to the sixth form, our teachers only ever ask really easy questions that everyone can answer.
Here’s sixth former Stephen from earlier. He’s still thinking about Mr. Smith’s pi/pie joke.
If anyone knows where the whiteboard rubber is from the Maths room, please let us know?
Our canteen dinners are delicious! The plain, unaccompanied pasta is always the most popular choice amongst our pupils which tells you everything you need to know about how great our chefs are.
Mrs. Sumner is very happy. She’s very happy because she teaches at Stock Photos Academy. She’s also very happy because she loves her subject. But mostly she’s very happy because her Year 10 class are away on work experience.
We really need to get some blinds in our classrooms. There’s more lens flare than a J.J. Abrams film here.
This is the, er… no, sorry, I’ve no idea what’s going on here… Can someone go and see if Mr Baxter is okay? I think he might be having another breakdown.
Here’s Mr. Cartwright working out the predicted 9-1 grades for our Year 11s preparing to sit the new GCSEs. As you can see, his concentration has reached meditative levels.
If there’s one thing our teachers do really well, it’s standing at the back of the class with their arms folded, ignoring the children. Outstanding!
We knew that the recruitment crisis would mean taking on some unqualified teachers in shortage areas. We didn’t realise we’d be this desperate though. We have since sacked the netball coach after he promised to bring stability to the team, and they just got worse. The Chemistry teacher asked the pupils to decide if they should remain in the classroom or exit. They chose to exit and he buggered off to let someone else clear up the ensuing mess. The Food Tech teacher is very unpopular but we’re finding it hard to get rid of him. And as for the new lower school Teaching Assistant… she’s terrible, but we’re going to have to keep her as the alternatives seem to be even worse.
Oh, and there’s Mr. Smith again, thinking about his pi/pie joke.